Do you need to involve your children in the KonMari process?

Marie Kondo doesn’t specifically talk about children in her books. She mentions that children over 3 should be able to participate in the process. She also says that you should take care of your own belongings and don’t try to declutter your family’s things. In extension, many parents have understood that they shouldn’t sort their children’s toys, clothes and books without their permission. Therefore, parents ask their children, at least as young as 3, “do you want to keep that toy?” or “should we find 5 toys to give to children who don’t have any?”. When this tactic could “potentially” work with a children over 7 years old, it will unlikely work for younger ones

Why? Because children under the age of 7 (and surely under the age of 4) lack empathy. It means that they cannot see the wold through someone else perspective. They will unlikely grasp fully the idea of charity (they might agree to donate to please you or will do it, thinking that their toys will be back, magically when they ask them back), they will surely be very “attached” to all their toys if they see them (object permanence is another concept that is still developing in the very young ones so the out of the sight, out of mind is true for babies and toddlers, seeing their toys during the process, while you ask them, will surely reignite an interest for that toy). I believe that Marie Kondo is the Queen of decluttering but she doesn’t have a clear knowledge of child psychology and child’s development.

So what happens when your ask your child? For sure he is willing to keep all his toys, including the broken ones, the ugly ones, the one he has never play with until you show it to him, the noisy ones that drive you crazy, the book with a awful naughty child who has to go to his bedroom without supper (so not your parenting’s style, offered by the family!) that you don’t want to read again!

Why you involve, with good intentions because Marie Kondo suggested it, your child in the process, you will have little success. Maybe you will manage to remove a few toys or books but for sure, the huge amount that you wish to remove will remain because every toy, when you ask a child, sparks JOY!

Also you, the parent, are the one who bought the toy in the first place (or who are allowed a well intentioned person to bring that toy in your house), therefore, I consider that you should take responsibility for the sorting and decluttering of your child’s toys, which will allow you to face the amount of children’s belongings and be able to understand why you bought so many or that kind of toys. And hopefully, never coming to that tipping point again!

I give you now my own analysis of my own toy’s situation in my own home. While in general, we don’t have many toys that I don’t value, we were starting to have too many in some categories and for some, now very clear, reasons.

  • books: I used to go to the charity shops with the kids to treat them and they were allowed to choose books. Because it was cheap, it was always “yes” and I didn’t check much the content of their choices. We ended with many books that I didn’t like to read at all and were far from what we wanted our children to learn (some very heavy on the fiction side)
  • magazines: when I was back to work, I used to go food shopping after work with both children who were cranky and demanding so I was saying yes to a magazine that they were barely reading when back at home.
  • small toys that come with magazines and Kinder Surprises: for the same reasons as above, I bought Kinder Surprises quite often for 18 months. Out of guilt and to have 5 minutes peace!
  • educational toys: as a Montessori teacher, I couldn’t resist an educational toy and I had for example, multiple rhyming games, letters games, stacking games… And we didn’t make enough use of all of them to justify to have so many (to be fair when I was back to work, some were at work with me and obviously came back to my house when I left)
  • art and craft: that category was overflowing and so untidy that I had given up doing craft with the kids. I couldn’t face the time it was taking to start a craft activity as I had first to dig into the mess to find what we needed.
  • soft toys overflowing too: My daughter has 53 soft toys (she counted then yesterday!), my son around 20. My daughter has pocket money and she was allowed to buy whatever she wanted when going to the charity shops. She always wanted a new soft toy. For the past 9 months, I stand firm and told her that she cannot buy a new soft toy at all. In addition to this collection, we had made an habit to “offer” a soft toy to the children when we were going to Ikea. Well then, how can we complain about having too many soft toys when clearly we, the adults, have said yes to the extra ones every time.

Knowing that I was mainly responsible for the kind of toys we had and the amount, I did most of the decluttering process myself, swearing every second of the process that I will never ever again buy a soft toy at Ikea, never ever again buy a Kinder Surprise or magazine out of guilt, never ever again buy any kind of toy without making sure it was really purposeful or truly desired for some good reasons.

Personally, I haven’t involve much  my youngest in the process and I decluttered my 9 years old bedroom before asking her about the remaining. Here what I have cleared out by myself with no regret or guilt:

  • clothes, I know which ones were the favourites and I donated the too small ones, the ones with holes or stains (these ones to the recycling), the ones that I bought for my children but they didn’t like them (the clothes on Sale or for example, my son refuses to wear jeans as they are to “crunchy”) and I donated some good clothes as I had just too many and some were in the bottom of the drawers all the time.
  • hair accessories for my daughter, she uses the same hair bands constantly and wasn’t even aware that she had more in a drawer.
  • bath toys: I donated all the babyish toys and kept only the ones I have observed them playing with.
  • broken toys or incomplete toys (so many puzzles with missing pieces!)
  • books that I don’t want to read because of the inappropriate message (I received some children books with a very strict and punitive parenting style and I didn’t want to read about corporal punishment and banishment anymore or I picked some books at the charity shops without paying attention to the very moralistic messages and with a closer look, those stories didn’t resonate at all with our lifestyle)
  • toys received with magazines or kinder surprises (collection of Minions, anyone?)
  • most of the magazines
  • I have clear out all the art and craft material by myself (as seriously my children didn’t have a clue how many paint, glitter, or kind of paper we had)
  • if you want to follow the Montessori principles and offer an non overwhelming play area, I would encourage you to sort all the batteries operated toys by yourself and keeping them at a minimum (we have a remote control car and that the only battery operated toy we have)
  • duplicates toys if you have (like stacking toys, different kind of blocks), here you can definitely rotate.
  • I also cleared out all the board games by myself, I know which ones they like to play with and the ones I bought because I found them “educational” but clearly they are not attractive for either of my children.if you have many tv character toys, I would suggest that you have a good clear out in this category too. Those are very prescriptive toys with a clear scenario and don’t allow much exploration. However, children can be seriously attached to those toys. If this is a big category in your family, maybe observe your child for a while and see if he plays with those toys, put them away for a while and see if he asks for them.
  • I then ask my son to sort his soft toys as it’s more of a “sentimental” category for children. Well guess what, not one went away! But I’m now extra firm and no a single new one will come in.

Regarding my son’s toys, not a lot were donated or thrown away. I have mainly divided by two each category and kept half away in storage. This is to insure that it’s not overwhelming and that he is able to tidy up the small remaining. He has clearly noticed that some toys were missing and asked anxiously for those toys (for example, he used to have a huge box of plastic animals that I have now sorted by subcategories, leaving only one or two out at a time), I have shown him where are those toys and he knows that he can ask for them whenever he wants. He seems so far, contented with the remaining.

Regarding my daughter who is older, I have involved her in the process much more. First of all she is 9 years old and well able to understand that she might have too many toys. She also observed me decluttering the rest of the house and was curious. For example, she has a collection of Knick-knacks and she decided to sort them the KonMari way: she held every object in her hands, feeling if it was  sparkling joy or not. I was very impressed when she let go of half of the collection. I asked her about every craft set she had and some other toys in her bedroom (especially the character toys that I didn’t particularly valued such as Petshops, Disney princesses, . We let go a big quantity (books, some younger toys,  craft sets, colouring books…) and even some toys that were brand new that she choses  to donate to charity.

I haven’t finished my son’s bedroom especially as he has now received around 20 new toys for his birthday (thanks to his friends at school) and I have now to find a space for those new toys. It’s more about rotating in this case to make sure those new toys are played with.

Let me know if you are sorting your child’s belonging the KonMari way and how it works in your house!




Best Montessori toys for Easter

I have always associated Easter with Spring, outdoor and good weather. So in our family, the kind of toys we buy at Easter are essentially nature and outdoor orientated. Following the Montessori principles (real tools, to practice life skills or explore the world), I present you my selection.

This year, we are offering a bike to my son and a two wheels scooter to my daughter so only one gift as it’s quite expensive.

But here a list of the things I have offered in the past or ideas that I will forward to our family:

Easter plastic eggs: the best buy ever! We do an Easter egg hunt and the first time we did it, my daughter was 2. Then we had to hid the eggs in turn until the Summer, it was her favourite game. And there are so many activities you can do with a set of Easter eggs (make sure to have two of each colour, I’m planning a blog post with ideas so stay tuned).

Microscope:images I remember fondly my first microscope and I can wait to offer one to my children (BIG HINT to grand-parents!!!). Anything that encourage the children to get in touch in nature is great!

Magnifying glasses:41YdRoVm68L

Both my children have a magnifying glass and use it for outdoor exploration but also in various activities inside. It can be left on the “nature’s table” if you have one.


we bought a pair a few years ago at Kew Garden. Now that Louis is 5, we need a second pair as my daughter is not forthcoming to share hers (I remember that she bought it with her own pocket money). I would advice a real efficient pair of binocular and not bother with a toy’s one.

The little book of Woodland birds songs:


we bought the garden one for my daughter. This one is next on the list for her.

Nature treasure hunt cards: to be honest, I should be able to do this game myself but lacking the time, I’m thinking of buying this one for a while. Just to have an incentive to explore when we are out and about. Sometimes, it’s me who needs a push as the children most of the time have their own ideas.

Gardening tool’ set: 81C1cVG0pWL._SL1500_My children love to help in the garden and we have tools for them and gloves! The gloves are super important for them!

Wheelbarrow31Y135GQWVL: My son received one when he was around 2 and he had, and still, such a pleasure to transport wood and stones from one side of the garden to the other. Last year, I dig my first vegetable patch and I had to remove lots of stones, my son participated greatly by taking them away. Prefer a metal one that it’s sturdier and heavier, so it’s not falling when your child fills it. And as he will have to make an physical effort to push it, that will give him a real sensation.

Butterfly growing kit81s-IlhtOpL._SL1500_

we did the experience last year and I’m planning to do this again this year. However, it might be better to wait for a warmer weather to start it. With the kit, you will receive a voucher to order your butterfly’s eggs so you can decide when to start (make sure you have 10 days at home ahead of you and warm weather).

Tuff tray51M0pNOIo9L._SL1000_

Use this as a sand pit, sensorial exploration tray, outdoor table, painting table, planting pots table and much more. Obviously you can play inside too. If your child is under 2, I would not bother with the stand for now and just take the tray. This one is coming to the playgroup!

Balance bike61PkXw6X9rL._SL1000_

this is the one my child is currently using. We offered it to my daughter 7 years ago and my son inherited it. It’s great for balance and confidence. Highly recommended.

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KonMari and Montessori


(chaos of family life! 3 years ago!)

I have another confession to make. First, when I started my #montessorihousechallenge, I was very focused on my children’s belongings, their tidy up habits, their independence skills. You see, since becoming a mother, I have focused most of my attention towards my children. Meanwhile I have developed skills and a business related to parenting and children. So I have always observed children; how do they play, can they tidy up, can they do this independently. If you go to my blog post here, you will read that I was failing at this task for around 18 months, mainly because we moved from London where I had a good network of friends and support to the countryside and also because I went back to work full time (well school times hours but the kind of job that I was committed to and I was bringing a lot of work at home).

While going through each area, as planned in the challenge, I started to face the ugly truth. Most of the clutter/belongings/objects were mine and were preventing me to organize my house to suit my children’s needs. Note that I have always been aware that I’m a “hoarder” and worst, an unorganized “hoarder”. I could go in a deep analysis to explain why I’m that way and why I was not tackling the issue but it’s not the object of this blog post. Let’s say that I have finally seen the light and faced the truth. I suppose I was ready (to make it short, let say that these past two years, I have worked on many issues and I have now a clear mind-set of what I want in life and it’s not the clutter).

Now you might be surprised that a Montessori teacher is a hoarder. I admit that even me, I was under the impression that most Montessori teachers must be very orderly, organised and borderline OCD.  I thought I was an exception. However, I have noticed over the years that many parents (and potentially teachers) are attracted to the Montessori education to teach the opposite of what they are to their children. Maybe also because they want to overcome their own issues and deep down, crave order and organisation. It was totally my case and since I have explained this a bit on my Facebook page, many parents have come forward, admitting the same difficulties.

Sometimes, parents also become a hoarder after having the kids. Let’s admit it, children bring lots of joy but also lots of chaos! How do we control the amount of toys, clothes, kitchenware, babyware that come with having children? No everybody is a born minimalist so it’s very common to be drawn in an incredible amount of objects after having kids.

In my case, I was using my children as an excuse to fulfil my hoarding tendencies: it’s for the kids, I can use it in the Montessori playgroup, it’s educational, children never have too many books, etc…

Also a classroom is not a home environment. When I worked in a school, it was easy to organise and keep everything in order because it’s only the Montessori space and none of my personal belongings.

Well while I was in the middle of decluttering my children’s toys in January, somebody mentioned to me the KonMari Method. I checked the lady and her books and decided it was not for me as she wasn’t a mum (well in fact she is now, but she was not when she wrote her books and she didn’t explain much about children in her books). In the end, I finally gave the method a go and let me tell you that it has already changed my life. And my children’s life too. I’m documenting this process and especially I will show you how I make some decisions regarding my children’s belongings based on the Montessori principles. As Marie Kondo doesn’t give any tips about what kind of toys to keep. This is the area that I feel able to make a judgment based on the Montessori principles.

I help parents on a regular basis to design their children’s play space at home, I also help homeschooling families. Just before I started my KonMari process, I was reflecting on this service as I have noticed that families who are quite organized for their own belongings are well able to tackle the changes that I suggest for their children. However, some families had great difficulties making changes and those families had many belongings and clutter.

Let’s say that  I am now sure that even if many parents will come to Montessori first for their children, at some point, the Montessori education could help them to realise that their own life is full of clutter and until they declutter their own belongings (and life and parenting, but more on this in another post), focusing on the children only might be pointless and counterproductive. It’s a least what I felt and observed in my own house. So I urge you if you have started the Montessori house challenge and you’re feeling overwhelmed to have a go at decluttering your own belongings first. Follow my progress here and on FB and comment down below about your journey!

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying: A simple, effective way to banish clutter forever

Too many toys!


Are you screaming when you enter your child’s bedroom/playroom? Are you fed of tidying up your child’s toys? Is your child complaining that he cannot tidy up when you ask him to do so? (well he might not be that clear but he might say like mine: “I’m tired”)

20170126_11361320170321_090628How to get from the picture on the left to the picture on the right?

Is your child not able to play independently? Is your child saying that he is bored despite owning 100 toys? If your child is younger, does he require your presence and input to play?

One of the reasons (if not the main reason) might be that he has too many toys!

When families visit my playgroup for the first time, they are generally impressed by the layout of the playgroup. As I would do in a home environment, there are different areas and every activity is set up on a mat or in a basket/tray. Children can clearly see every activity and are able, with support, to put them away. Although there are many more activities that you would need in a home (as I cater for around 12 children), children are not overwhelmed, distracted, disruptive or bored, they choose and are happily playing for one or two hours.


So what’s the secret?

In the Montessori education, less is best. And what kind of toys/activities you offer is also important as well as the way you present them to your child. Many parents coming to the playgroup will quickly decide to change the kind of toys they offer to their children as they notice how much their children are engaged in the playgroup.

So what is too many toys exactly? Can we give a number? I was kind of stunned to share pictures of my child’s car’s collection in a local FB group, asking for advice as I thought he has too many. Other parents quickly replied to me that the collection was nearly “minimalist”. You see I was kind of worried regarding my own children’s amount of toys as my youngest was still not able to put them away. The amount started to add up: cars, train set, plastic animals from all around the world, soft toys, dressing up, building blocks, Duplo’s, a growing collection of Legos, little peoples, kitchen and all the accessories… Not to mention the art and craft material and all the various board games or educational material available. Every category of toys was fine I suppose but the sheer number in each was overwhelming. And that amount might be very different for each child.

I have noticed that over the last 3 years, I have let the toys collection growing without paying too much attention to it. As we moved from a two bedroom flat to a house I was able to hide the mess in a cubby storage and I agreed to tidy up after him as he was still “little”. However, my Montessori training was coming back to me and my desire for my children to become more independent was more and more acute. Therefore I decided to purge drastically. It’s not that our toys were not great but we had too many in each category. Mainly I divided by two the train set, blocks set, duplos and stored away the remaining. I sorted the animals by continents/habitats and left only dinosaurs and one other category out at a time. I sorted the cars by kind too (wooden cars, metallic cars, cars from the movie “cars), set of diggers with people…) and left out just one set with his garage. And so on for each category. Since, oh miracle, my son has mostly put away his toys by himself after playing. He also spend more time by himself in his bedroom.

However, my son is 5 and your situation might be quite different. When I had only my daughter and when my son was a baby and a toddler, I was more aware of the importance of the environment and took a long time to set up trays and baskets of activities for them. I had around 8 trays/activities at any one time and it worked wonders. Along the way, I lost my Montessori principles but thankfully I’m back, for their own good, and my own sanity as it really helps our family life when both kids are able to tidy up and are happy and contented with their play.

My playgroup is a good sample of what you could do in your own home for a child under 4 and the principles are still the same for older children.

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